Most relationships seem to follow a typical pattern. Things are terrific and happy for the first few weeks or months. Then the first argument happens. There’s a cooling off period and then a renewed passion in the relationship. And from there on out, there are ups and downs.

However, things don’t actually have to be this way. You can opt to have a consistently happy relationship. The key is to make sure that you don’t do some basic silly things that ruin relationships, things which most people do.

The biggest relationship mistake people make is to let their own insecurities creep into the space between their heart and their lover’s heart. We often fear that we aren’t good enough, that we shouldn’t be as trusting as we are or that we don’t deserve to be happy. These fears are the root cause of most relationship downturns.

The littlest thing may set these fears off. For example, you may read a relationship book that suggests a sign that your spouse doesn’t care about you that much. Books on relationships are notorious for starting relationship problems but it’s the reader of the book that’s the problem. They want to read something that confirms their insecurities.

Spend some time each day reflecting on what’s really going on with you. If you’re angry at your lover, ask yourself if it’s because you’re scared of something. Deal with your own insecurities before confronting your partner and you may find that having a happy relationship is easier than you thought.