I hate going shopping at home improvement stores like Lowes and Home Depot. Not that I don’t like building things, but it seems like I’m never going there for something I want. I’m usually getting dragged there by a friend who has guilted me into helping him on some project his wife is forcing him to do or by my wife when she is forcing me to fix something around the house. In stark contrast, I used to love going to those places when I was in college and the sole reason for which we would ever go was to purchase the building materials for a beer pong table.

Recently, though, I came up with a new strategy for these trips. I’ve realized that they are so big that it is easy to lose somebody in them, so last week when I went with my wife to go pick out a light fixture and a few other bits and bobs for around the house, I proposed that we split up-she could go look at the light fixtures, I would go find all the little things that didn’t require any decorating sense, and then I’d meet her at the light fixtures when I finished-and she fell for it. I knew I could find all the stuff I needed in a minute, so instead of doing that immediately, I indulged myself by visiting one of my favorite parts of the store, the patio section. I like to BBQ, but all we have is this little charcoal grill that works pretty well, but isn’t really any fun. The highlight of the patio section is the selection of outside kitchens. I can never stop myself from gawking at the island grills and the rest of the outdoor kitchen supplies, especially the pizza oven.

If I set an alarm and exercise just a bit of self control, I can gawk for at least twenty minutes and make it back to my wife with everything on the list before she suspects anything.

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